This morning saw an internet free-for-all as savvy browsers flocked to a blog that was flouting the paywall and positing articles written by Times journalist Caitlin Moran. There was even a Twitter account set up to direct readers to the site.
The Times response to the situation was to have the blog taken down immediately (the Twitter account has also vanished) while Moran’s tweeted the rogue blogger: “I applaud you, my friend. Very quietly, but I applaud you.”
Start the New Year with a mixed metaphor, that’s what we say. Our headline was inspired by one of the most mixed quotes ever published – in The Guardian business section which opined “‘These problems existed beneath the radar before the recession struck in 2008, but they were masked by the fruits of an economic system that has now laid us low.”
We are moved to bring you news of Lord Sugar’s New Year Message to SMEs: the expected mix of bile and brou-haha guaranteed to cause any business owner to choke on his breakfast cornflakes. Few sectors of business emerge unscathed from the arch-salesman’s withering glance. The Government? Lacking in ideas. Banks? They don’t have to lend money to every Tom Dick and Harry. Business Plans? Best done with a pencil and plain paper. Networking? A total waste of time. He describes networking events like this ““They have become an escape for people to justify sitting around wasting a day bullshitting with each other while they should be working.”
The Baron Sugar of Clapton speaks his mind, and that’s directly linked to his success. Business owners often resist speaking out, for fear that they will accidentally give away valuable secrets to competitors, or that somehow their authority will be damaged by sensational coverage. But they’re wrong. Customers and clients have confidence in those who display confidence – it’s as simple as that.
So the next time you encounter a head of business who is reluctant to go before a microphone or a camera, or who believes that speaking to an inky-fingered journalist can only bring disaster, tell them this. Lord Sugar is worth £730 million.
As the whistle-blower de nos jours, Julian Assange, ponders his imminent release from the “Dickensian” conditions of Wandsworth prison, he can take comfort from the fact that he’s made his point. Wikileaks has proved that we are indeed living in a viral age.
Look at the evidence – information was drip-fed to carefully chosen media outlets. This doubled the coverage as half the media reported the evidence and the other half attacked them for being spoon-fed. Read the rest of this entry »
(To the tune of ‘Good King Wenceslas”)
The Transport Secretary looked out
Stewart – Son of Steven
When the snow lay round about
Deep and Crisp and Even
“Crivens! Was it forecast?” he cried
“I’ll look like a foo-ool!”
“Here’s the way to keep my job
first, close every schoo—ooo—ool!”
Straightway hied he to the Beeb
There to tell the nation
“We are doing a first class job,
We are your salvation!”
Sitting in their cars all night
Freezing half to death
Motorists gasped in disbelief
and caught their frozen breath.
At The Sun a cheer rose up
From a clever hack
“His days are done, his goose is cooked..
he looks like Father Jack!”
“Bring me screen and laptop bold,
Bring my pun list hither,
I will warm the nation cold
And bring a resignation thither!”
All the day and all the night,
ploughs lay still and silent
Grit was piled up to the sky
The public mood was violent
Politicians beware,
here’s the news you’ve gained
Stevenson fell upon his sword
Because HE’D NOT BEEN MEDIA TRAINED!
The internet has made leader writers of us all. Any well-formed opinion can be published instantly without the tedious need to be employed by a newspaper magnate, and the world can have the benefit of our wisdom and wit. Then we are likely to spend a lengthy stretch of time languishing in jail. Read the rest of this entry »
Should Gordon Ramsay have published his emotional open letter to mother-in-law Greta Hutcheson? Will we think kindly of the Hell’s Kitchen star now we know that he has told the world his wife was in floods of tears over the rift with her parents? Our advice to the fiery Scot – No, and No. Read the rest of this entry »
The Sultan Of Spin held grand court this morning at the BBC’s Today studio in Westminster. As James Naughtie fawned about, Lord Mandelson settled himself into his chair, airily waving away offers of peeled grapes and goblets of unicorn’s milk. Nubian slaves were ordered to keep the feather fans silent.
BBC political editor, Nick Robinson has found himself the subject of some unwanted attention after a cleverly titled viral – (‘Nick Robinson Loses His Rag over Protestor Sign’) hit YouTube this week.
Robinson, after sufficiently winding his neck in, took to his twitter to apologise, tweeting “I lost my temper and I regret that… I am a believer in free speech but I also care passionately about being able to do my job”.
Ok, so he’s not exactly verging on Mel Gibson territory, it was, in comparison to most, a very mild-mannered tantrum. However there is an air of guilty pleasure in watching somebody get caught on film mid-outburst, regardless of how tame the temper may be.
The incident, which culminated in an undeniably British display of rage (read subdued and highly un-rage like), saw Robinson sign off from his live spending review before plucking the poster from the unsuspecting protestor and stamping on it repeatedly. The poster was left broken after the frenzied attack leaving the slogan ‘Cut the War. Not the Poor’ illegible.
The whole incident, filmed by a by standing protestor, has raised eyebrows and questions, the first being who are these people going round cutting the poor anyway?
'Cat Bin Woman' caught in the act.
You might have been lead to believe earlier this year that new brand of unimaginatively named super-villain was on a mission to terrorise animals in the UK. ‘Cat Bin Woman’ was on the loose and no pet was safe.
Internet sites were saturated with the infamous CCTV footage which lead to 45 year old Mary Bale being identified as the culprit.
Fast forward to today, when Mary Bale was fined £250 and banned from keeping animals for the next five years. District judge Caroline Goulborn who was presiding over the case noted to Mary that “The media interest in this case has resulted in you being vilified in some quarters and I have taken that into account.”
This is true, Mary Bale alias ‘Cat Bin Woman’ has acquired a few followers, clocking up ‘fan’ groups such as ‘Cats Unite Against Mary Bale’, ‘Mary Bale is worse than Hitler’ and ‘Death Penalty for Mary Bale’.
The groups may have a flair for the dramatics but they are an example of the grass-roots effect of social media is having on national media outlets, as today national newspapers, radio stations and television programmes will give Mary Bale’s verdict the once-over as a direct result of the humble YouTube video.
So there you have it, the future! Viral shenanigans will lead to criminal prosecutions and media infamy. Drunken students everywhere beware, you’re being watched!
No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog.
Katie Waissel hiding her tears with her eyelashes.
Everybody’s talking about Katie Waissel. From her first audition it was clear she was going to be this year’s ‘marmite contestant’. Surprisingly, she has managed to survive four eliminations despite her overwhelming, Disney-child star confidence having set her off on the wrong foot with the public. Now it is alleged that tabloid stories about a romance between herself and the nation’s favourite painter and decorator Matt Cardle, were leaked by Katie in a vain attempt to cling on to her ever-fading fifteen minutes.
The media has not been kind to Katie, from the accused-leak to rumoured fighting with Thunderbird-Cheryl doppelganger, Cher Lloyd, to those false eyelashes; it is clear there is no love-lost between Katie and the tabloids.
It would appear Katie would have nothing to gain by leaking the story; clearly it would be twisted so that she had gotten her over-styled claws in to Matt by ill-means. However the insinuation that she did leak the story ups the hate-ante, transforming her from pretentious Madonna-wannabe to master media manipulator.
I have to wonder how long the media-storm can last before it turns Katie Waissel into something completely irresistible to the British public- the underdog. Then upon her landslide victory we’ll all be remarking meekly “I always liked her eyelashes anyway.”
